GlamMa

Where did the time go

Baby Margaret is here and not only did it almost kill my daughter, it almost killed me.  Birth is beautiful and dramatic and violent.  Imagine pushing a prize winning large pumkin through a hole the size of an avocado.  You get the picture.  Yes, things stretch and all, but at a certain point either nothing happens (usually after 18 hours of labor and pushing) and the doctor, slipping in and out of the labor room to check on whether he can make his dinner date or will have to move it to a breakfast date says.   Nope...not going to bring that particular pumpkin out of the patch so let's go in and till the soil and dig it out manually.   I.E. Caesarian Section.   Luckily Lauren didn't have that problem.

Then there is the option of the epidural or not.   Moe often than not these days, young women will choose an epidural.  Trick question is ...will the anesthesiologist be available?    On the night my daugther delivered, the three women before her went so fast, the anesthesiologist couldn't get there on time. 

So...that leads me to wonder why they aren't training pregnant women in breathing techniques ( i.e. the good ole lamaze technique).  Remember the classes ?  Bring a pillow, blanket, husband or other coach, objects to focus on, suckers, lip moisturizer and your favorite stuffed animal from childhood. Sessions went on for weeks and weeks.  We learned to take cleansing breaths, focus on a spot as if we were prima ballerinas in the NYC Ballet doing turns, and bond with our mates.  I tried unsuccesfully to find those classes for my daughter and son-in-law.  How would they cope?  My daughter touted the epidural.  "It won't hurt."  Ha.  I knew it wasn't that easy but did I argue with her?  No.  One thing I had learned the hard way was to say.  Oh...Good Idea.  Then try to find another way.   

We're in labor...Margaret Evans South arrives

This post describes the events of June 15, 2007.   It is one year later and I remember it so vivedly I thought I should share.

I was camped out at my daughter's house..there for the long haul.  The doctor had said any day, but we were in week three, having done all the known techniques for bringing on labor.  I was exhausted already just with my daughter's anxiety about "when" and "is the baby okay?"  I couldn't answer either of those questions and that made me feel incompetent at helping my darling very pregnant daughter. Steve finally decided to go home and wait for the call.   Driving would only take five hours and we knew that labor certainly would take longer than that.   Mine had been 19 hours and ended in a C-section.   I didn't want to predict, but I guessed that Lauren's would be similarly difficult.   Big head ran in our family, she was only five foot four and her hubby was six foot five.   Do the math.  So we kissed and hugged each night when she and Patrick went to bed and hoped tonight would be the night.  And of course it wasn't....until June 14th around midnight.  Lauren knocked on my door and said, "Mom, I think I'm in labor."  I understand what adrenalyn can do because I was up and dressed in less than a minute and pretending to be calm.  Lauren looked dazed and her husband stood by her side waiting to help do whatever was needed.  Her labor pains were slight but coming every five minutes.  The doctor said to come in right away.  Lauren asked me if she had time to take a shower and wash her hair.  I breezily said....sure.  Labor takes a while, might as well be comfortable.  Of course she had had the manicure and pedicure. Patrick packed the overnight bag...well, they had packed it and repacked it so I think Patrick was just looking for something to do. 

By the time Lauren got out of the shower and dried her hair the contractions had become more serious.  We rushed her into the car and Patrick drove the fifteen minutes to the hospital.   Lauren was breathing heavily...they don't do LaMaze anymore.  When the nurse checked her into the birthing room, all the bells went off.  Lauren was ....centimeters and the baby was expected at any time.  Lauren asked for the epidural as she was in considerable pain at this point.  God love her, she didn't scream, she clutched Pat's hand and held her breath.  We were only into three hours since she went into labor.   A wonderful nurse who had birthed more babies than she could even remember took Patrick and me through the part we would be playing helping Lauren to deliver the baby.  Where was the doctor?   I called Steve and told him to get in the car...whatever he was wearing.   I knew he wouldn't make it but at least he'd get there shortly after.  Patrick called his folks who would come the next day. 

Then the doctor arrived.  As embarrassing as this is, I have to admit that the doctor looked like a television model more than a doctor. Of course I didn't say this to Lauren, nor would she have cared.  She kept asking for the epidural and the nurse said there might not be time.  Yikes. 

Then  like the good fairy arriving from the North, a very tiny Indian woman strolled into the room and assured Lauren that her pain would be over shortly.  And it was.  The doctor, whose name I wish I knew was so skilled she made the proceedure look easy.  I know from my own experience that getting the epidural needle into the right position takes lots of skill.   My experience many years earlier had been very different and I'm told the resident who botched my epidural several times could have done much harm.  Why is giving birth so hard? 

Glamma Anxiety

No matter how excited I am about becoming a Glamma, the nagging reality exists that parenting anxiety not only remains but has doubled. During the last 28 weeks my daughter has raised concerns, often minor...tweaks, rumblings, discomfort, infection fears all of which, luckily have turned out to be nothing of import.  But, with every one of her concerns, my reaction has been "INDIGESTION".    Not only am I worried about her, but I'm now worried about my granddaughter - to - be.   Things go wrong at any stage of pregnancy  and until the little darling is out of the womb, I need to worry about them together. 

I'm not sure how Glam those double wrinkles will be. 

Alpha Moms

On the April 27th Today Show, I saw a segment titled "Alpha Moms" and had to laugh.  The idea of multitasking mothers didn't seem all that strange to me.  As usual, we boomers were the second generation to do it, but the first to say "There's nothing wrong with multitasking."

With two small children at home, I traveled the world (sometimes with and sometimes without them) researching and co-authering a series of books (published by Bantam Book) called "Born To Shop".  The book's market was women who loved the finer things in life and the adventure that came with finding  a unique item, wholesale factory outlet, or great museum in a part of the world never visited before.   At that time we didn't think anything about merging our home and professional worlds.  My mother had done it and was my role model.  She held down a job at The New York Post (Dorothy Schiff days) and raised a group of children who loved and admired her. I could have chosen not to have a career and lots of my friends did just that.  But what I realize, looking back,is that their "alpha mom" traits made them the home room mothers, charity leaders and school board members.  Many of them are now in Congress.  How much do we love Nancy Pelosi and all her Grandchildren?  What I am saying is that the "Alpha-Mom" is nothing new.   

But as each generation attempts to redefine itself, the not-so-new, takes on a new twist. 

I did a Google search to learn that marketing to "Alpha Moms" has becoming a phenomenon.  The Today Show segment featured an on-demand television web venture founded by Isabelle Zuckerman, a self described member of the alpha breed.  Alpha Mom television is "an all-day, all-night, on-demand cable channel where “mothers seeking excellence,” according to press releases, would be able to find “the latest, best-of-breed information” on everything from preconception and child development to how women can “maintain their style, sophistication and sense-of-self upon entering mommyhood.”  You can read a full story of how Isabelle and her empire got started in New York Magazine's feature by Randall Paterson: Empire of the Alpha Mom.  According to a USA Today story by Bruce Horovitz, the originator of the term Alpha Mom was Constance Van Flandern a mother and graphic artist who was working with Zuckerman on her television concept. 

As it turns out many major advertisers have risen to the challenge of this new, tech savvy group of women.  According to Horovitz, "A good chunk of Cadillac's online ad campaign — at mycadillacstory.com— features Alpha Moms."  Kimberly-Clark has launched the Huggies Baby Network, Proctor and Gamble has been testing its Swiffer WetJets with readers of The Nest. Unilever's Suave brand, in partnership with Sprint, has created an "In the Motherhood " website that airs mom-scripted web videos. You'll have to be an alpha mom to keep up with all the competition!   

I call it reinventing the wheel.  What do you think?

Glam-Ma Gear- Mom's Top Picks

With my curiousity awakened as to the "new" parenting mode I asked her what I should be buying for the Glam-Ma come-to-visit nursery.   

My daughter and her friends (all in various stages of motherhood and pre-motherhood) shared their likes and dislikes.  She suggested that I start first of all with The Consumer Reports Best Baby Products book written by Sandra Gordon and the Editors of Consumer Reports. 

This very comprehensive guide takes the mother (grandmother) through the entire litany of baby products from Autos (kid friendly vehicles) to Zebras & Other Stuffed Animals.  Best yet, within the Introduction section, the authors have a two page list of "Baby Basics," a virtual shopping list for the home and nursery.  This made it easy for me to figure out what the glam-ma would and wouldn't need.   

I figured that when Meg (my grandaughter) came to visit, her mom would bring the clothing, stroller and car seat.  What I would need at my home, however would be a crib, mattress, crib sheets, waterproof liners and mattress pads along with bathroom essentials for bathing.  The rest of the gear was optional but I felt a high chair and pack and play would make the visit easier on my daughter and Meg. 

If this is your first grandchild you will be saying...what is a pack 'n play... where is the playpen?   In essence, the playpen has been redesigned for safety and style and morphed into a combo bassinette and play yard and like calling all copiers Xerox Machines, the play yard is often called by the Graco Company's name: Pack'n Play. In the interest of correct journalism both product names should have the registration symbol after them, but I don't know how to do that ...so just imagine it is there.  Other companies making good play yards (recommended by Consumer Reports Best Baby Products) are Baby Trend, Evenflo, Fisher-Price and J. Mason.

On to the list of favs from my daughter's friends:

Graco Swing - You can move it around the house or apartment and is good for dinnertime when they are too young to be in the high chair

Graco Pack'n Play - This is the one I bought 

Bebe Pod Infant Seat The baby can sit up in this seat as soon as she can support her head.

Baby Bjorn Active Carrier Great for walks after the baby is 8 lbs.

Graco Travel Lite Bouncer : It even vibrates.

Graco Baby Einstein Entertainer or Evenflo Ultrasaucer

Peg Perego Prima Papa Highchair

Kick and Play Gimini:  Mat for playing on the floor

Baby Monitor:  Different ones work in different houses

Baby Stroller:  So many models.  Check out Consumer Reports and try them out.

Car Seat:  Depends on your car but most like the Graco Snugrideand the Britax  Marathon for when they get bigger.  One tip.  Don't buy more than one car seat, just buy extra car seat bases that the car seat can snap into.

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